A Town called Tombstone

I made my way to Britain.   It was an epic journey - here's the description I put on Facebook:

JOURNEY TO JES HOLDEN FUNERAL FROM NYC TO HONOR OAK

My Kuwaiti air stewards/esses were not as friendly as this bunch. Terrifying actually.

The journey was a Mazda epic though. I dropped off car and then straight onto the Subway - of course the E train decided to go Local when they said Express and also stopped in tunnels cause of signal problems. Then the gate was closing so had to be walked through security except that they searched my bag cos of the Pepto which is an essential travel item for me. Anywhoo... made it onto plane. Seat doesn't recline and is old so uncomfortable. A young Kuwaiti-American sits next to me and starts babbling. Tells me he popped some special pills cos he's a nervous traveler. Sleeps and drools all the way through flight [you'da hated it, I wasn't too keen] watching him eat/drop his dinner was like watching a heroin addict play with his food using a one pronged fork. Oh.. yeah the food, shit veggie slush there is NO advantage to getting your food early that just prolongs the agony. THEN jet lagged forgot about London traffic [appalling] sooo journey to South London takes an age. My lift has by now left for the Crematorium.So I dive into a realty place that I used to work at to borrow the restroom dump the case, change like Superman from Clark Kent to Black Tie Gangster then to a London Black Cab.

Honor Oak Crematorium - Palais des Morte

Drops me off at wrong part of the Cemetery and I nearly end up joining a burial party for a S London criminal [you can always tell their funerals] hike to the right Chapel and was on time.... phew. People were really really pleased that I made it. Jes was sent to the flames with a Millwall FC [hardest football team in league/nutso fans] flag on the coffin to the tune of London's Calling. Job done.



Cremated or buried ?

Vultures feed off of the dead in a Sky Burial

Brits [72%] apparently prefer to go into the cleansing fire compared to Americans [40%], Italians [10%]. And of course the Tibetans like Sky Burials, Water Burials, Embalming and have a unique concept of what to do with the corpses considering the ground is often frozen and there are not enough trees but plenty of vultures.





Here's my 'living will' or dying wish for my disposal:  

• All mourners should attend the service which will hopefully be a mixture of Anglican Humanist mumbo jumbo in full costume[it's called Fancy Dress in Britain] - yes that is right, if invited by my surviving family I would like to 'see' all of you in a 'costume' not unlike the American Halloween tradition but a genuine costume from a show would also be very fine.  No black ties or suits unless its full on Men in Black or Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels please. Sexy French Maid, Marilyn Monroe, Justin Bieber, Clown, Pantomime Horse all acceptable. A boring cheap suit or Kentucky Derby/Ascot hat not encouraged at all.
• I request the two following songs be played:
  
  With a surfeit of hubris I would like 'The World Has Changed' by The Fleshtones to be played in its entirety after any eulogies or words from friends and family. This is what I consider to be my first real professional production in which I channeled Joe Meek/George Martin/Lee Scratch Perry/Phil Spector and my other favorite producers.  My second song of choice would be The Trammps 'Disco Inferno' [http://youtu.be/A_sY2rjxq6M] please also check out this Youtube video for approved funeral service dance steps.  This song is to be played as the cardboard coffin descends into the furnace. Mass dancing should ensue..
•  If you come in the full Trammps orange flared cat suits then you may win a prize.

Please do try to clap on the second and fourth beats. Whats'ever it is its gots to be funky.   

Here's the hymn sheet:

(Burn baby burn)
(Burn baby burn)
(Burn baby burn)
(Burn baby burn)
To my surprise, one hundred stories high

People getting loose y'all, getting down on the roof

Folks are screaming, out of control

It was so entertaining when the boogie started to explode

I heard somebody say
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno
(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
Satisfaction came in a chain reaction
(Burnin')
I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct
The heat was on, rising to the top
Everybody going strong, and that is when my spark got hot
I heard somebody say
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down y'all

(Burn baby burn) disco inferno

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
 
Up above my head

I hear music in the air

That makes me know

There's a party somewhere
Satisfaction came in a chain reaction

(Burnin')
I couldn't get enough, so I had to self-destruct

The heat was on, rising to the top

Everybody going strong, and that is when my spark got hot

I heard somebody say
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down

(Burn baby burn) disco inferno

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Burn baby burn)

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down

(Burn baby burn) disco inferno

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

When my spark gets hot
(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot

(Just can't stop) when my spark gets hot
(Burn baby burn) disco inferno

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down

(Burn baby burn) disco inferno

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down

(Burn baby burn)

(Burn baby burn) burn that mother down

(Burn baby burn) disco inferno